by Jeannette Gomes
Coal in the ground has been burning for years it doesn't matter how long you pour the water we will just be breathing choking on dust and smoke your fire centralia i am the ground and i am on fire i call to the hall you have to pour down whale from sky to know the nature of the mind I am on fire I am on fire I stand burnt foot upon the sand see if you'll stand look back instead of lying crying being ground You know what this sounds like? the stream dissolving me from beneath I haven't lived in this world for forever my mind entrenched in silence calling back to see if my copy is still on hold I am and you are everything and most of the time I can't bear to look you in the eyes pull your body down to absolute zero pull the body to separate cell (when I didn't have voice to speak with you sang to me and told me what miracles could be) (I didn't know anyone could hear me so deep in here) (I didn't ask for a hero I asked for a miracle and there you were) (your voice shattering force inside this forever sleep) (IstillshudderwhenIhearthemusicbehindme) (istillshudderwhenIthinkthereissomeonetryingto imprisionme) (beautiful dark haired child I was the ghost behind your most beautiful I sat watching you play with the fireflies on those warm summer nights wanting waiting in this place where this touch is as real as dream) create a wave from ball in darkness destroying the body to stop still light I was and you were and you said that I was finally allowed to smile and I held my heart in silence. I am nothing again and you are forever again we have a secret pact where we remind each other every night that blame and separation are just an illusion we tell ourselves is real. is it really night or has the darkness reached up, aurora I live to walk down to street breathe in deep all the ghosts you hide back in it permeates the peak you can feel how particular each place sounds in the emptiness of the night the winter orange glow forgets we have eyes empty streets you walk down see your golden form shuffling its feet in the snow shrouded caress its perfection behind my eyes I live in fire places i know what you're doing (milk begets milk) (ocean sucks up into milk cloud) (rains milk rain) (heavy cream white) native pierce me with lead bow (rain milk rivers again) shoot out from that moment live forever I was alive and you were dead and you were trying to convince me that death made you stronger when you watched me in the shower and I said oh yeah I don't believe you there wasn't any water I wasn't in the shower you were never there.
Jeannette Gomes is a poet living in Chicago. She is the author of Small Breaks of Light (Love Symbol Press, 2012). She is the prettiest of all the deers.