by Ana C
Grandma used to watch telenovelas but now she doesn't because she's blind. She listens to them sometimes. Carmen, the woman who takes care of her, told us she used to like them but not anymore because she finally realized that these stories are just a bunch of lies. Carmen is shorter but stronger than me. Carmen is really short. She's almost a little person. A little person takes care of my grandma.
Carmen is smart. Most telenovelas are about the same thing: a poor woman falls in love with a rich man. Women are always poor. And the main male character always falls in love with her because she's beautiful.
Things that happen:
XY is rich and manipulates XX.
XX screams, cries and looks like a model.
XY is smart and upper-class.
XX is poor or a homeless person.
XX's only hope is XY.
XY rescues XX.
XX gets a make-over.
XY has an upper-class girlfriend who will try to push XX down the stairs.
Horrible things happen to XX.
XY marries XX.
And/or someone goes crazy.
I've watched a lot of telenovelas: Mexican, Venezuelan, Brazilian, Colombian, some episodes of American ones but those are never-ending and that's just too much for me. Some people argue, some are better than others. But basically they're all the same. Some have better actors. But most have shitty ones.
María Mercedes is the poor, good girl who falls in love with Fernando José Altamirano del Castillo. Her last names aren't important because she's poor. His last names are important because that means he will own his parents' companies in the future. He's an only son and a millionaire. Fernando is María's boss. María cleans his house. Fernando's mom doesn't like María because she thinks that both her husband and son feel attracted to María. María has pigtails and a tight maid uniform. The uniform is sexy but not slutty. It's tight enough for everyone to acknowledge that she has a great body. María and Fernando "fall in love." Fernando seduces María or maybe she seduces him because she's hot. María is a virgin. Fernando isn't. He kisses her and tries to unbutton her uniform. She laughs a little and says no and stop it. He stops kissing her and looks at her eyes. He smiles and she smiles (kind of). He kisses her forehead. He looks at her eyes. He tells her he loves her. He tells her he's going to be gentle. He kisses her forehead and smiles. She smiles back. He kisses her mouth and unbuttons her buttons.
I think I forgot to mention that before María worked as a maid, she was a trash scavenger. One day, Fernando bumps into María, and she pushes him away. It's love at first sight. She loves her for who she is, and that's why he gives her a new job. At some point they fuck, and make a baby. And the baby gets lost because someone steals it, and leaves it in a garbage dump. And because María is no longer a trash-scavenger, she never looks for her baby in the trash. And she goes crazy. And the baby grows up. And the baby who is now a man is attractive. And somehow María is no longer crazy. And the attractive son falls in love with her because he doesn't know who she is. And she's still young. And incest doesn't happen because they find out they're mother and son. And they love each other and live happily ever after in a trashy mansion.
Endings make me mad. And every time a telenovela ends, I swear I'm never going to watch another one. Never again. I shout things at the TV screen. Have you ever seen anyone shout things at a TV screen?
Ana C. (b. 1985) is the author of two books of poetry: Make-Believe Love-Making and This is Controversial. She is the founder and editor of New Wave Vomit, an experimental online literary art magazine. Her work has appeared in Pop Serial 2, Thieves Jargon, NOÖ Weekly, For Every Year, Pangur Ban Party, and Magic Helicopter Press. "C. stands for Carrete." She lives in Tijuana, Mexico. Her blog: http://idonothavepenisenvy.blogspot.com/