by peter bd
he watches tv for 15 hours a day and he has fun while doing so. his favorite tv shows include breaking bad, mad men, the walking dead and anything else that's on amc. he enjoys eating different types of food while watching tv. mostly bad foods. he eats mcdonalds, taco bell, burger king, and kentucky fried chicken while watching tv. he's not aware that this food is bad for him because he's so engulfed in all the tv he's watching. he doesn't know he has high blood pressure and clogged arteries. he just knows that he enjoys watching the walking dead and likes to eat junk food while watching it
he has a heart attack while watching mad men. he finishes the mad men episode and then dials 911. at the hospital, the doctor asks him why he didn't dial 911 sooner. he says don draper did another stupid thing and he wanted to see if he was going to take it out on peggy like he always does. the doctor shakes his head and prescribes medication.
he is in the hospital for a week. he watches tv during his hospital stay. he watches the price is right, judge judy and america's next top model. he doesn't care for any of these shows, but as long as he's watching tv he's feels ok. he routinely asks the nurses if he can have mcdonalds. the nurse tells him he can't eat mcdonalds due to his condition. he usually gives her the middle finger when she denies him his junk food request.
it is sunday. the hospital does not have amc. it is mad men's season finale. he is starting to freak out. he tells the nurse he's freaking the fuck out due to the hospital not having amc. the nurse ignores him as she's used to his antics. he gives her the middle finger as she exits the room. it is 9:00 pm. mad men is going to be on in an hour. he tries hard not to freak the fuck out. he tries thinking of an escape plan. he decides to play it by ear like rick from the walking dead. this gives him an adrenaline rush. he jumps out of the window in his hospital gown. he gives people the middle finger as he exits the hospital grounds. he feels like a more badass version of rick.
he sees an elderly woman in her car. he walks up to her car. he tells her he has a gun. she laughs in his face. she gives him 5 bucks because she feels sorry for him. he says thank you. he goes to mcdonalds and buys a double cheeseburger, small fries, and a small diet coke. he has 2 bucks left for bus fare. it is 9:30 pm. the bus is late. he lives a half hour away. he begins to freak the fuck out again. he thinks about what rick from the walking dead would do. he thinks rick would hitchhike. he begins asking strangers for rides. most of them laugh in his face.
he sees the elderly woman who he tried to rob earlier. she still feels bad for him. she gives him a ride home. they arrive at his house. he says thank you and gives her his mcdonalds french fries. she says thank you. she chucks them out of the window when she drives off. it is 10:05 pm. he is pissed. 'i'm hella pissed' he says very loudly. he missed 5 minutes of the mad men finale which means he made his adventure in vain. he finds a note. the note reads 'i recorded the mad men finale while you're in the hospital. hope you get better soon, love mom.' 'fuck' he says again while gently putting the note down. he turns on the tv. he flips to different stations until he stops at america's next top model. he bites into his double cheeseburger. he thinks tyra banks is kinda hot. he has another heart attack. he dies.